I turned on my computer and you didn't log out of your Blogger (despite being in Incognito mode). Sooooooo yup you're being hacked 8)
Okay lah not that serious I know you know who I am, so I hope you don't mind me posting a post on your behalf!
(meh you don't update often anyway)
I know quite a few people read your blog so I'm not gonna write as freely as I do on my own blog, but I just want to let you know this.
(I mean, at least you can read it anytime!)

I'm thankful for you. So, so thankful.
Every day I'm reminded of why I made it this far with you.
I love your conscientiousness, your tolerance for criticism, your acceptance of my character, and your sweet, caring nature as well as your rash, angry side.
It's amazing, as you said, how easy it is right now, compared to any previous relationship.

It's like you think, "Why was it ever hard before?"

Maybe it was because we started out as best friends, and ever so gradually came to this.
Or more possibly it's because we accept and love every strength and flaw we each possess.
What one lacks, the other makes up for. What one is extraordinarily over-the-top with, the other can stop. And when something upsets one, the other knows how to make it better.
I thank you for your tolerance for my laziness, my sometimes-too-direct-and-hurtful comments, my otherwise unacceptable mindset regarding certain matters, and my difficult (perfectionist or not) ways in dealing with problems.
Thank you for always being there when I need you to be, and for every single second I spend in happiness, in sadness, in anger or in pain.

So smile! :D Stop worrying so much, you're the best thing that's happened to me, and will ever happen to me. You're awesome in all your own ways, and I'm appreciative of everything, big or small, you've ever done for me.

You'll never live if you keep worrying.

Confusion

I tried to sleep just now and I just couldn't, I have a billion things buzzing around in my mind at the moment and I HAVE to blog about it, it's just killing me. I'm lost in the sea of emotion, confusion, sadness and bliss all at the same time.

I ask is it okay to worry so much about others? I used to ask myself that all the time, sticking my head out for all those people who don't deserve it. I learnt that lesson the hard way recently and I will never ever EVER treat them as friends again, I am really sick of being treated that way.

iPunks, or my Pri school friends, they are supposed to be my pals right? We are together till the end right? WRONG! I realised how inflexible and ignorant they are to other's feelings recently. They went to USS without me even though we were supposed to try to find a way so that we could all go. Weren't we always the ones who could make anything happen for KC or Aloy? Didn't I already explain that I needed time and space too? They just wouldn't or didn't listen and all my wasted effort on words that fall on deaf ears. I died a little inside knowing that people I felt so close to could do something like that to me, it was devastating.

On the other hand I grew with my secondary school friends over this month, I learnt to gain more respect for them and listen more. They all have their stories, their aspirations and they actually give a shit about what's happening. They understand, they adapt and they laugh it off. I just wish I could have seen all that earlier and befriended them in sec 1.

But what confuses me now is Dino and I. I am really honestly scared, I am afraid of trying too hard, of scaring her away. Every action I take could be the last I need to make. The constant fear of doing something devastating still bugs me, she already reassured me that she didn't think I would do something like that but it's still there. You know how usually whenever you disappoint, upset or anger someone you feel a sadness slowly lifting up on you and then drenching you in sorrow and regret? Well try that with a stabbing feeling in my heart, that's how I feel every single time I do something even mundane or small wrong. Dino doesn't want all that pressure on me but how can I not have it on myself? She is awesome, she is wonderful, every single thing that I wanted and even though she told me I'm great in my own ways I am so petrified that there is a possibility she will wake up or realise one day that she doesn't love me. I feel that every action i make and every single word I say can make a huge difference in the conclusion to this epic saga. Right now I feel like crying but the tears won't come out. I'm not sad nor upset, I'm just really really really frustrated and I want to get it out of my system but it keeps getting stuck. I'm not trying to get anything out of it, it's just how I honestly feel.

I got a wake up call last week, I hit her threshold and it was like a slap across the face saying "WAKE THE FUCK UP!" I was a fool thinking I was doing great. Why can't I accept not being perfect? Why does it bother me so much now when it didn't before? It may sound silly but the DISC Profile makes me seem to understand I am an IC in the profiling and the fear I faces is being rejected and the fear C faces is doing something wrongly. I am so terrified of doing something wrong and being rejected and her leaving that it seems to consume my very soul. Dino already told me that she doesn't like making me feel insecure, that I don't have to be perfect, that I am already the one who tried the hardest but none of that seems to be enough for me. Madly in love was something I used to only believe in fairytales but the reality I am facing now seems to signal otherwise. Why else would I feel so distraught everytime I do something wrong or I think I do?  Worrying would be a normal thing for me but distress is a total newbie here. My mind is just running at 100 miles an hour in a straight line and I wonder why, why in the world am I thinking so much?

Linkin Park made me think recently, "Can't you see that your smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control." and this really hit the nail on the head, that is exactly how I feel the fear of being too loving and smothering her and trying to control everything. I am still being myself at the moment but if I keep controlling my behaviour will I still be me?

I can still remember that the whole time I spent with her today I was ecstatic honestly, holding her in my arms for such a long period of time made me feel wonderful, the edge of joy. Then I hit myself so hard at saying that silly thing at night, and she already told me it was okay, so why am I so paranoid? This love is really insane and unique, it feels so different than everything else, I had to abandon any knowledge of my previous love expeditions becauses it was totally useless in this case when I really am head over heels over someone.

I want to apologise for the length it is getting to at the moment but I promise I will sleep soon and continue tomorrow when I have a fresh mind.

From Mika's new song, "All I want to do is make you happy, All I want to do is make you happy." Because when you are happy, so am I and when you give me that grin, cheeky smile or even that awesome laugh, I find it cute and I laugh not because I find them funny, it's because of how cute she is and why I took so long to find her. Honestly now, my Diamonds are falling down now, not because I am sad but because of my feeling that I am so silly and ridiculous and retarded and so much more. But in this confusion, I can hurt myself  (NOT POKEMON OKAY SERIOUSLY!) and others.

I need to wake up, from my friendships, to see anything that is missing in our relationships and most of all decide what is enough in my relationship and not be overboard and as I lay my head on my tear-stained pillow, maybe the sleep will give me blissful release and hopefully in the morning I may realise the solution to all my problems.

"I miss you, I miss you, I really want to kiss you but I can't..." - Soulja Boy

Cry Cry

Hey guys!

Blogging from my phone cause I feel a need to just got over a super emotional event my grand uncle just passed away, im sure most of you may have lost a relative before for those of you who haven't let me give you a glimpse of what happens. Firstly either you will be with the person when he goes or you are not, depending on what is the situation you can either be not affected much or grieving from the start, I was lucky enough to feel nothing at first I thought I had taught myself to be ignorant to the loss of a family member. How wrong I was, first it started bugging me then it started to eat into me slowly it consumed every part of me. I was lost inside my emotions of sadness, anger and disappointment. Sad that I didn't get to know him more and appreciate him early only fond memories of recent times and things long ago are led embedded in my mind. Angry because I feel I was foolish to not think about it earlier and made myself believe the cup could pass me by. And disappointed at my stupidity and my belief that I wouldn't be affected. I finally understand that death can come I am afraid. My parents can leave too I created a facade for myself that people could last forever but they just left physically and we may see them again in this lifetime. But my grand uncle, father Joseph Tan weill never be seen on earth again. I hope I will see him in heaven if I get there but I will miss him dearly. Going back to the subject, I realised that I can lose my family, my friends to death. I dont want to lose Dino, RKS, wen, spy, Shaun and every single one of my friends. Now that may sound naive but I really don't care. I know they might leave at some point in time but now I will learn to cherish every moment that much more happy or sad, angry or disappointed because ultimately you will only have these memories to cling on to when they leave. But some people I can't even beat to lose them physically but they have to leave sometimes I am not that naive. But now I learnt that everyone in my life suddenly means that much more! I will cherish all you peeps more :) love you guys!

On track with my love life! My sister said that now it is still a honeymoon period for Dino and I but I believe we will get through longer than just this honeymoon. One year from now I know we will laugh at our stupidity either because of us doubting ourselves or because of it not working out. I am hope the latter isn't the case but Dino and I are trying to make it last! So it will I am sure :) lastly end with a quote.

A man who won't die for something is not fit to live.Martin Luther King, Jr.

In remembrance of a great man, Father Jospeh Tan a hero, a family person and a priest who has touched the lives of many.

Love is in the air :)

Okay contrary to my title now I am a little sad right now, I guess I never felt like this before, loving somebody and never being angry with them, instead always feel I haven't done enough. This is not self-pity people, I just want to learn more sometimes. Dino is angry with me now, I have no clue why at the moment as it is, I was stupid enough not to pay attention to what I was saying and hurt her again, people say quarrels happen in every relationship almost everyday, but each on tears at my heart because I found a new way to hurt the person I love. She tells me not to be bothered by it but honestly how can I not be, I hurt somebody without my knowledge and I'm not angry that she is not telling me why but rather at myself for not knowing why. All I'm doing now is saying sorry like an idiot, but there is no point being sorry for something I don't know I have done wrong. A relationship is like a lesson that when you pass with flying colours, you enjoy all the fruits of your labour for the rest of your life, and I intend not to fail this test with Dino, why you may ask? Some people just find her to be quiet, others who know her better know her to be quirky, intelligent and funnily pervy. Personally? She is my Dino, the one who makes me laugh, the one who I worry about even when there is nothing wrong, the one whom I cherish in my heart, my soul, my body. I fear of her feeling I am using her, and above all I am petrified at the thought of losing her. 

Enough with the sad talk though, there are so many more happier things that have happened over the weeks. 

Maybe you realised by now if you didn't know, Dino and I are together now :)! Yay! HURRAY! WHOPEEE! Haha probably should tell you how it was at first.

On the 8th of August after I spent the day eating with Dino, Belson and her godaunts. I finally asked her, it was a bugging feeling something that started developing over the days after her 2nd breakup, I started seeing that most of the reasons I put as "Just cause I'm her best friend that's why I feel that way" were utter rubbish. Things like me being protective of her when she touched Bel's hand or even feeling scared when I couldn't be there for her! All evolved to something bigger and stronger. She told me she wasn't ready for a relationship much earlier in the day though, but I still asked her anyway because I felt the time was right. At Clarke Quay she said she still wasn't ready yet and told me some problems she would have even if we were in a relationship, I accepted the fact that she wasn't ready and began to prepare myself to wait for her to heal first because a two day relationship can ruin many lives.

National day evening, after MJ at darren's house I met Dino for Dinner with WL at town. They ate soup spoon and we talked, WL is a nice girl really(she knows JW too :O) and she is just as silly and retarded as Dino is! Hope I can become her good friend too :x Later on after I sent her back to her block, we sat at the playground and talked, talked about how the relationship should be and re-emphasising the points that could affect the relationship. She also said that she missed me when she was karaoking with YTXE and that played a part as well!  We officially got together then, minutes before midnight and I had mixed feelings going back home, would I be good enough? Would we be happy? Would this even work out well at first? I got my answers soon enough.

The days after that breezed by, papers one after another, hours spent with her, nights spent talking to her and  missing out one dinner without her and RKS! We enjoyed the whole process, us being mushy, retarded and me being super corny! Haha and she says she doesn't like it but who knows :P!

Exams were bad in general, I do not want to comment.

However yesterday we met RKS and we had a good time! Supposed to have sang karaoke but ended up slacking at Dino's house! Which was fun! Chris was sad though! :(((( She felt that she was not part of the group and she felt so hurt. She told us but.... It hasn't gotten much better. I don't want to type too much cause she may be upset as I'm typing too much on the net :x! I AM GOANNA MAKE SURE SHE FEELS PART OF THE GROUP :D! 

Anyway later on I went with Dino to print photos, and she got angry with me! I forget sometimes that she is still a girl and still is sensitive. My insensitive ways I am used to by talking to guys isn't going to work well! I  demotivated her by saying things like "See I told you" and "You sure won't want to do it la"! Stupid of me really, I must remember to take note after yesterday and today especially that I must be sensitive to what I say and what I do, think before doing and saying things Dylan, not on impulse like an idiot!!!! We talked under her void deck to settle the problem and guess what we both cried, not because we were frustrated and angry with one another, but rather because I was so scared and upset that I hurt her so easily because of not thinking. She told me how she felt she was a failure too, in a few things and we talked about that. I love how we settle problems quickly though, feels worlds apart from my other relationships! :) Enjoying it more too.

Now I'm stuck still thinking about what I have done wrong today. I may never learn the reason but I now know that I need to look before I leap and think about how she will react before I say something, I know only so little about my lovable Dino and I just hope I can learn enough to make her happy, after all I want her to always be my baby! :)

"Being loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply takes courage!" - Lovequotes.com :)

Peace out ya'll!!!! :D

Tears like Diamonds falling down

Being lost, lonely, forgotten, in agony and full of fear, all these things are part of being sad. But what is sadness really?

It is an emotion, a feeling that we decide for our body to feel.

I was lost in the emotion recently, but I dealt with it. When shit comes down on you it rains in buckets... But still I managed to persevere. How? Dino. Why? Dino. I ain't even goanna lie. I don't really feel like going into details, most of my buddies who read this can ask me IRL and I will tell ya guys kay?! :) 

I wish I could do more for her, help her take on the world and more. I just want to be there to catch you when you fall but I'm late... always too late. This time I'm going to make sure that I do it right. Help you get through this tough time, because that's what friends are for right? I'm starting to become honest with myself and I'm going to actually say it even if it makes me look weaker IDGAF cause it's okay to be human sometimes. July was May all over again for me. When it all came crashing down it was worse than the last time, funny how I keep thinking I can hit rock bottom and propel myself back up just to get pulled back down to earth again. Well when I was talking to Dino one day, something in me snappped, maybe it was her slightly sad sounding voice or maybe it was just all the problems I had, it was probably both combined, but I cried. The first time in a long time. I couldn't stand it because I really felt it was me against the world, even my family seemed to be against me at that time. But she stood strong and helped me, helped me even though at that time she needed help too.
Now my problems are dead and gone, and I left the broken agony of sorrow behind and moved on, a new stronger person. So like she was there for me when I needed it most, I will be there for her too.
How many of you have seen your best friends cry before?
I have twice, in the span of two weeks for one and once from the strongest person I know and it really broke my heart. The same way Dino said it broke her's when I cried. How can the world cause so many people to think they lose it all at the same time. Simple, it is a barbaric society, eat or get eaten where money is king. It's just my personal view of our dog eat dog world, I hope no one takes offence to it.
On a side note didn't get much sleep yesterday, or the day before... Who am I kidding, I didn't get much sleep any of the days before, DSS, IBE, BMGT e.t.c. All these modules.
Rushing out to meet Dino for Breaky now! Just a short summary of July!!! HELLLLLLL
Okay this is me signing out! Sorry for not having a single post this month! I will post more in August when I have more time :P Peace out people.
"Ohhhhh, I can't take no more her tears like diamonds on the floor, and her diamonds bring me down, I can't help it nowwww, she down in it, she says she's loved but she can't feel it. it's hard to see it falling down, her diamonds on the ground...." - Rob Thomas 

Sugar and Salt

I'm back again guys :)! Well I have been away long enough I guess! Was in Vietbodia for quite a bit and the schoolwork is tiring so not much time to blog but yea I'm doing it now anyway so DON'T COMPLAIN ROAR! :P I will talk about today 1st cause I'm like all confused now and stuff and I just want to talk about it.

Today was a good day actually, I woke up to learn my sis was doing a photoshoot and YAY my eldest sis is back so happy ^.^ Okay off topic but she sent me to school and I reached class on time even though I thought I would be late :O! Dino was late for class though, and she said she overslept like hell~~ Typical Dino :) Then we went to have lunch where we laughed it out with my IBES group, surprisingly I enjoyed the time with them, the guys are awesome and hope to have Pear and Jamie in our class next term! :) One bad thing happened today though, cause most of the time when I am doing projects, I don't enjoy sitting at the sidelines and love to be working, but Dino and I had a misunderstanding today, and me being stupid decided to confront her and tell her about it. Turned out to be a bad decision, she looked really unhappy about it and still seemed to be angry with me. Sure when we said our goodbyes she smiled to reassure me but... Sometimes I just don't know what is wrong with myself...

Let's start with Vietbodia then! The day before we left, Dino came to stay over with Bel :)! We picked Dino up early and had lunch, she was forced to eat some food by my parents, :x hehe typical them, and then I gave her tips on how to avoid eating more at my table xP! Later on we walked around a little and got to talk to one another, I really enjoy those times cause I can really talk about myself and be myself, sometimes society just wants people to be the picture perfect person and that really takes a toll on people! Then she came over to my house, watched lots of Mr Bean live! He was hilarious! Retardedly funny but yea :)! He brings a smile to lots of faces! Then Dino and I talked a little too and laughed and took stupid pictures passing time is fun as hell with her! Then we ate dinner which was awesome CRAB AGAIN HAHA! But this time Dino peeled and ate more :O haha but yea that day was great. We watched Indiana Jones but she looked bored because it was so slow!!! But yea, halfway Bro West came! And we completed the movie. Went out for some provision shopping and then played a LoL match with Bel! Slept late as hell but I didn't give a crap.

Woke up early without an alarm, didn't know how I did that but yea, Dino played with my hair as I lay there, that made me think about how she used to run her fingers through my hair too.. and also of my sis that I thought I wouldn't see in forever. But I just lay there and thought about all the times my sis used to do that to me as I lay there enjoying the gentleness of her fingers as they ran against my scalp. Then I dreamed a little, and got up to change.

Then we got to the airport, the usual pictures, fun and laughter with stupid jokes, I honestly thought I would spend a lot of time with only Dino at Vietbodia, I was right to a certain extent but I made 5 new friends there, I will never forget. We at mac at the airpork, yes airpork :P and then headed back. When we boarded the aircraft I had to leave T^2 :( I was sad cause I wanted to sit next to him but yea~~~ Then sat next to Dino and her bf! Didn't talk much to her I pretty much did eveything by myself and talked to her a little, and before I knew it, we landed.

When we got out of the airport, I couldn't believe we were there, besides the smell there, the heat and breeze still feels pretty much the same, I couldn't tell the difference. Then the buses came and we got the better bus HAHA! And in my heart, the better tour guide. Lucky was an awesome guy who I came to love and respect in only 2 days with him, he had a wonderful personality! Then we headed for the Killing Fields. It started to spark inside me again, the dark side started poking out at me and the only way I could stop myself from smiling when I heard the sadisticness was chewing my gum. But I still quelled it, the starvation of the demon and then a sudden snack, even the slightest seemed to bring it up but in my eternal struggle I still reign supreme. I prayed when we had a little free time, thanking god for letting me control myself and then praying for all the people who suffered under their own countrymen hands.

The next place we went to made me hit my limit for the day. The genocide museum made Christine tear and she was unable to take it but no matter how sad it was, how unhumane it was it just... affected me. I subdued  the animal again, but all I saw brought back memories and then Keith asked me to stop chewing so hard, after I told him why I was doing so he gave a curt nod and told me to not make it too obvious, surprised though, even after he is so unemotional, he actually gives a crap about me more than most of the blind super emotional people. Thank god the suffering(definitely not the same as others) ended quickly and I got back on the bus to a more cheery lunch and shopping spree. Saw sunglasses and I was SO TEMPTED, cause after every holiday I always, ALWAYS buy shades. But managed to subdue the urge. Was finding matchsticks for Perry and GE but didn't find any... Sorry peeps :(

After that we had a rest and slacked in the Dino's room for awhile, found out what Dino and Bro West do sometimes, finally understood them going to bath :O! Then we went out off to a restaurant to eat, we walked there :)! Okay food in Cambodia, I did NOT enjoy at all :P Just being truthful. Went out to the supermarket and saw the insane prices, 20 dollars for a bottle of vodka, 60 cents for a can of beer and the most insane of all 50 cents for TWO toothbrushes WHAT THE HELL, we bought some drinks to play drinking game and then paid and talked a lot of rubbish. Then at night went back to my room with TT and Dino and we talked a little. Then I got called out for a "survey". And got initiated into the brotherhood! :) But after that awesome moment I got heartbroken, I went back to the room to find out that Dino had told TT my phone passcode, I was devastated cause it mattered a lot to me that only she knew, she just didn't know it. I can remember her prompting me "Dyl Dyl, I'm sorry..." said it like three times, then I heard what she said to Brother West and I couldn't take it already, I told them politely to leave and then went to take a bath slowly. At that point in time I was so upset... But then when I lay in bed, I could smell the "Dino" scent on the bed where she laid, and I remembered all the times at her house. I just couldn't convince myself to stay angry at my bestie for long! :) So i decided to forgive her.

Woke up the next day and saw her at breakfast, I gave her a smile and she asked if I was angry, I remembered replying "There's no point being angry cause you already told him, so it's okay", not the best of lines to indicate forgiveness but I showed it with a very sincere smile, and her eyes glowed once more with life, the very same eyes I loved to see my Bestie have back then, now and probably forever :)! Love you Dino<3. Then we went to Cambodian Brewery, I found out I enjoyed neither the beer nor the trip too much but yea it was a worthwhile trip and experience though... Ate lunch at some seafood restaurant and Sucker and I spotted a cockroach and spent most of lunch trying to catch it... Failed though :( Damn smart insects! Then we headed off for the Phnom Penh Township... It was FREAKING awesome DAMN NICE LA, one house costs less than my HDB =.= Freaking hell feel dam pissed but only people working there, or people who are Cambodian or married to Cambodians can buy a house DAM JEALOUS. Then we went to SL Garment and Processing, I didn't enjoy it much although the clothes making was awesome, interesting and innovative. Why you may ask? IT WAS LIKE THEY WERE STALKING US LAAAA! Everywhere got a guy with a camera filming us... taking us... stalking us. DAM WHAT LA! Anyway after that was networking dinner. At first dam boring and Bel complained to me cause I told him not to call people over. THANK GOD I DID THAT! Phillip came to our table, was very serious at first and ate quite a bit, went over what he did for a living, advertising that was quite intriguing, but then he got a call and said "My friends asking me to go drink with them la!" Immediately we clicked after that! He was awesome, talked about SG food and how he missed it,(I did too when I finally came back) and most of all drinking. We were all laughing about it and Bel jokingly asked him "Eh where to drink in Cambodia?" His reply... pure awesomeness. "I'll go get a map."  Almost immediately my table burst out laughing as he went out to really get a map, when he returned I pulled out a pen and he started giving us directions as we giggled away. Then went back to teach mass dance to people and went to Dino's room to slack and prepare for going out. But as luck might have it some people in the other class heard and as we went over to the other room for awhile, they said that we shouldn't go, it's dangerous blah blah blah. And in the end since it was quite late we decided not to go. But we played the drinking game and Sucker got drunk, can't ever forget his stupid phrases la. "Let's go buy a tutu and dance." "I hate Ang Kor man never drinking it again, I rather drink Tau Huey Zhui." Laughed like hell at his misfortune, then slept and sweated hell a lot of cold sweat to clear the alcohol thank god.

Then we had the trip to the university, climbed up FREAKING a lot of stairs la PLEASE, then headed into a small room, had a brief intro, split us up into groups and then sent us to classrooms, my class was doing POA so I wasn't listening to the teacher, instead I was listening to the host exchange student, William and Pear discussing about their countries environment, transport e.t.c. Learnt a lot from there! Then we watched performances and the highlight of all of them? Rosamund singing FULL FREAKING STOP. No fight haha! Then we tried some local Kueh and danced mass dance, haha it was fun. Then we took freaking forever to reach Vietnam by bus and somemore we got stuck at customs =.= Enjoyed the ride though, talked and karoked with Chuan Jun. KPOP WHOO. Then watched the world go pass and saw how lucky I was compared to so many Cambodians. Fell asleep and yea. When we reached Vietnam WHOO MAN OH MAN VIETNAM WAS AWESOME BABY! Hit the road running with Pho 2000 BEST DAM SOUP NOODLES EVER FREAKING HELL P-E-R-I-O-D. Loved it haha. Then went to talk in Dino's room awhile and she refused to bath I remember as she lazied around. Then she decided to change. Bathed into her room and I freaking forgot she was there and took off my shirt outside my room, her reaction was like I DID NOT SEE THAT LOL! Okay nvm about that. Then Bro West came back and Dino thought she heard her Aunty Pearl call her name, so she was scared, when Bel went out for awhile, I prayed with her, I felt her hands trembling as I held them and I held them reassuringly and prayed slowly and calmly for her sake. I hope that made her feel better I have no idea but yea that's all I did. Then it was good night for me.

Day 4 in Vietnam, we hit the ground running, Kinderworld saw the international school one world JEALOUS I wish I could have been in such a kindergarten/Pri school/Sec School but NO 0 regrets for my poly man I LOVE MY COURSE PEEPS :D! Then we performed for them again, again the highlight was Rosamund and Ashlie! Ashlie was harmonising during the performance and did one too many "Youuuuuu" harmonising and that made us giggle but the performance was still very good. Then we went for lunch and went to the Phu My Hung Township, this one wasn't as majestic but was MUCH more well planned. Then headed for Crescent Mall and Shopped for Provisions. Found out chocolate in Vietnam dam cui LOL so didn't get any! Then saw Bel fail at doing a baby frieze and LAUGHED LIKE HELL the whole damn bus laughed like crazy when his cap fell off the bridge into the water. Then on the bus since Ashlie was last we played a sing and stop game, I got caught after 6-7 tries but whatever, enjoyed the singing I did there. :D Then we reached the water puppet show, the show itself was not bad but oh my god after it... "HEY! HO! XIN CHAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" in damn high voices like the actors. We even sang boom boom pow in that voice and we laughed like mad. Then we ate the best meal in the whole trip in my opinion. GOD DAMN FREAKING RICE PAPER WITH EVERYTHING AND FISH SAUCE AWESOME PURE AWESOMENESS SERIOUSLY! Ate and ate and ate and ate and ate. DINO CAN TESTIFY, 3 BOWLS OF NOODLES, AND ALMOST ALL THE DESSERT AND FREAKING HALF THE FRIED RICE! WHEEEEEEEEEE.Went back and then we headed for the skybar in normal clothes, only to find out... It was atas =.= So we had to go back and change and get back there. Enjoyed the view up there, really like MBS view except a bit nicer maybe, drinks price cost like SG bar prices =.= so yea. Only ordered a cocktail, and met Slackssociates there, in their full glory. Talked to them for a long time cause Dino and Bro West went to have a talk and even after they left, They weren't done yet, so yea waited for a LONG TIME. And they finally came back, they had Baskin Robins while I asked Dino what was wrong, found out and kept mum about the problems. Then we headed back to slack, probably the most eventful day!

Day 5 in Vietnam, went to Aquarious, they were awesome hosts, explored the company, heard the Singapore Owners talk to us and enjoyed it throughly, the kueh? Not so much... Then headed for lunch, the food by then was going down hill again although it was still edible! We went to a French Restaurant and I had Beef Bolognese, I got to try Czar and Xav's Clams though tasted good, the pasta was good to but took ONE FREAKING HOUR to come so yea. Felt weird cause I was sitting at a more of a TZ02 side and they were calling Slacker Club the Judges, I felt that some of the people calling them Judges were also judgemental people and they had no right to call other people that. Then we went for the worst Business trip to Viet Dragon Securities, almost slept there honestly! We got to go to the Notredame Cathedral and the General Post office! Took some cool photos at the Post Office cause my imagination and MIB haha and then we explored around before leaving. We went to slack at the hotel for a long time and then I went with Dino and Dion yes, Dino and Dion no typo, to the night market and we bargained like HELL or rather I did :x hehe THEY HATE ME YES THEY DO xP! OH YEA THE FUNNIEST THING EVER! Cause Dino wanted a shirt that costs 140000 dong and she said it's the cheapest in the market already, when we went to the other side, we saw the same shirt, so Dion asked for the price, it was 350000 and Dion said 120000, she said 290000 but we didn't care and walked away, you know what? She ran to us to chase us, lowering the price until finally it became 120000. Then Dion said he didn't want it then she started screaming. "YOU RAZY YOU RAZY YOU ASK FOR 120 I SAY OKAY THEN YOU SAY DON'T WANT YOU RAZY GO HOME!" and then the mass laughter ensued. Marcus jioed me for drinking game when we were slacking but I said NO! Then we played werewolf drinking game and we laughed like hell cause we were all so sneaky leaky :P! Then we went to sleep after that cause we were so damn tired.

Day 6 in Vietnam, went for the best workout ever at Cu Chi Tunnel, had an awesome pick up line made there, "Phu My Hung in your Cu Chi Tunnel and make you say Oi Choi Oi" we laughed like crap over it. Anyway there were traps there and I was explaining it a little too enthusiastically to Brian and he was like "Why you know so much ah?" I didn't know how to reply so just smiled. Then we walked the tunnels, the 1st 100m was fun then we went for round 2 150m, BEST 150M I DID EVER LOVED IT HAHA! Came out tired but had an awesome experience. Ate tapioca dipped in peanuts and salt was awesome <3. Loved it like hell :P then we slept on the bus and then ate lunch. Went to slack in the room with Keith for the whole time and CJ and Daryl came over for awhile as we lepaked! Then we headed to the Cruise Ship to eat, food was meh but we made Ms Linda Ng cry cause of our touching birthday gifts to her :)! So sweet love her to bits now ><! Then we headed back, I was supposed to surprise Pear but Keith wasn't feeling too well so I took care of him, then I got jioed to play drinking game with Slacker Club, I thought I would only drink awhile but ended up staying 3 hours. Drank like 10~13 cups lidat of Vodka Mix but didn't get knocked out, Zach died 1st, Will and Ash didn't play, SPY and JY kept smoking with William's friend and Marc has horrible alcohol tolerence haha, was singing "So what we smoke weed? So what we get drunk? We just having fun!" Blah blah blah haha he was dam funny, thought they all left so I went back to sleep.

Last day in Vietnam was okay. We went to the Reunification Palace and the War Remnants Museum, wasn't super exciting or boring... Just neutral so meh.... Then I saw Dino and Bel were having problems but didn't say much. Had a lot of fun shopping with Jamie during the last minute shopping! SHE IS TOTALLY LIKE DINO COPY OH MY GOD IM SO SCARED I WILL BE HER BESTIE TOO I WILL D-I-E! But yea talked to her a lot and laughed quite a bit :3! Then when we were at the airport, Dino and Bel fought very obviously, and I remembered a dream I dreamt, I shall not repeat it here for privacy sake but it ended with them breaking up and I remembered seeing a lot of the things, I have a knack for dreaming some future stuffs but I hope to hell even now I'm wrong. We had a HTHT after they finished talking and we talked about our problems, then she smiled after we finished making me feel as if I at least helped cause she asked what to do about the relationship, I told her Try Harder. And they did on the plane it was so lovely and cute to see them and she was so high. Although the Plane got delayed we hit SG at almost the same time as estimated and Zeh sent Czar home and then I got back. I made Maggie and Nuggets to eat and then slept. 

The next few days of school I talk about it later on bah! As for the first part of today's blog post, I settled with Dino already! We had an oovoo chat to clear any doubts and problems and realised how much we meant to one another as friends! Love her to bits still! DINO HEART YOU! :D I will always be Mama Dino and she is Baby Dino HAHA! 

As always a quote.

"This is for the people with a hole in their heart but still live on, cause one day someone will come by and patch it and show you love again." - Me

Peace out peeps :D

Animal

"Oh oh i want somemore... Oh oh what are you waiting for? Take a bite of my heart tonight."

"So what if you can see, the darkest side of me? No one can EVER change this animal I have become."

I know it's a little weird that I'm beginning with quotes, but theres just so much on my mind and the two damn songs I have been playing is Animal and Animal I have Become...

The first quote is because I'm so sick of that person irritating the FUCK out of me when she has problems and then when she has nothing? WHEEE FUCK HIM MAN I DON'T NEED HIM. Seriously I'm getting so tired of it, I even deleted her number and messages I deserve better than that seriously, a friend that doesn't help you but expects everything from you is NO friend of mine. What's better was that she thought I actually LIKED her PFFFT honestly just because a guy listens to your problems and decides to help you DOES NOT mean he likes you... Maybe the thought never crossed her mind, that I'm a nice guy who chose to help her, I'm not her problem solver and just because I helped her once, twice and so on and so forth until even I forgot how many times I did it already. Even at this moment she's spamming me, why can't she understand that I don't want to help someone like her anymore I mean she doesn't even treat me as a friend when she doesn't need help. OKAY GAH SCREW IT Forget her Ima throw her out of my head.

I'm sick of the control honestly, my friends most of my old ones at least, think I'm still the old me, I tell them I've changed, I'm not the same me that was before, I don't have the childish dreams that relationships are perfect anymore, they all talk about how they want another girlfriend and how perfect the next one will be. I just don't believe in it so much anymore, honestly I got her off my mind already but I don't see how I will trust someone enough or get into a relationship again. It took a lot for me to ask Brother North at first too.. She just doesn't know it at all. I see my friend's all still have the bright outlook on relationships and that they are "shy" and don't want to ask, what do i do? I just smile at them and say good luck. They all give me the look, "Bro you can score chicks also LA! You so sweet talker sure can what." I just give another awkward smile, and say some other time. This animal I have become? Double meanings for me now... They both were bothering me at the start of this year, Dino taught me in a very harsh way that I had to get rid of one, but now the other one is still floating around refusing to be squashed... When I look back I still think I was a foolish person to believe and trust her so much but the harsh reality is that IT HAPPENED, and it CAN happen again, I'm trying for it not to weigh me down but I'm just really afraid I may never find Mrs Right... Ever. I may just be one of the nice old guys who are single and everyone wonders why he is...

My emoness aside, these couple of days have been pretty uneventful... I will try to sum most of it up for you guys for your viewing pleasure :) so PLEASE be patient x.x I always blog wayyyyyy too early in the morning and I'm exhausted and yet still need to act high so please bear with me :3.

Today has been bleh honestly, my parents went to Malaysia for a bit, my sis and I stayed home, I played LoL, bought lunch, played more LoL, talked to dino, more LoL, Church, Bought Dinner,even more LoL. I used to enjoy these kind of days back in secondary school now I'm just downright SICK of it honestly I HATE IT. I could be out with people socialising, learning more about them, having SO MUCH MORE FUN than gaming at home. They say gaming is an addiction but you never get sick of what your addicted to... I AM SICK OF GAMING. If it wasn't for the pals I wouldn't be doing it and even so if I had to choose between going out with those same pals and gaming hands DOWN I would pick going out no matter what the place and what we do. So days like today NAH UH do not enjoy.

Yesterday was almost as bad as today, did exactly the same things but THANK GODDDDD I chose to GO OUT WITH PERRY! Got a new friend yesterday, like me he is so matured in thinking but due to other reasons, we feel each other cause we are really damn similar in more ways than one, our route to maturity may well have been different but we still share the same feelings, was DAMN tempted to smoke one stick with him but then I resisted.(HE FREAKING SMOKE THE SAME THING AS MY FRIEND BLOODY HELL) And we chatted a little about how we actually were. I know him from Danny who knew him from Matt who knew him from drinking HAHA that's how the world rolls and Danny's friends are all interesting honestly. Ate KFC with him, he is super funny it's like you combined BOTH Marcuses and Beldric together HAHA! He really was a handful but we had a lot to talk about and laughed about how Danny was when he gamed ;3! Got back early , cut my Mum's birthday cake early cause of my Vietbodia and my parent's yearly dating sessions ;3! SO ADORABLE OKAY MY PARENTS HAHA <3 YOU MUMMY AND DADDY ;D! Just upset with what my sister said cause I think it's true... But it's okay I got over it! :D

The day before I went to school to discuss stuff IBE stuff with the group mates, met Dino before hand after she met Bro West after his trip, I'm happy he came back safe and none of those spirits followed him back :)! Talked to Dino for awhile although we supposed to be studying! Ate lunch and camwhored HAHA! Then she studied Bstats while I finished my BMGT, like finally it's pretty short but yea whatever AT LEAST IT IS D-O-N-E. Then i sent Dino to Bishan and then i left... Or at least i was SUPPOSED to leave haha, in the end I ate dinner with her and Aunty Pearl who really is a nice person :D! When Sherry went to the washroom i had a polite chat with her about travelling in Singapore, she was surprised I knew the Bus transport pretty well! But yea when you spend 10 years of your life travelling, bus routes become your best friend :D! Went back and slacked pretty much. Played Tap Tap with Dino on the bus and I got ADDICTED to it so I was playing it so many times in the car! Haha.

Okay before I continue retracing my steps the previous days, I just felt like saying something. There are things that people do with their parents to show their affection to them, for me, it's holding my mum's hand and squeezing it slighty as we walk. As we all grow up most of us find that holding our parent's hand is embarrassing and stop it all together eventually, not for me. I don't think I will ever get "too old" to hand her hand with her tender grasp, firm yet gentle and she enjoys it too. I just felt like putting it out because I feel that people should really learn how to show your parents affection cause when their gone, you will regret it. Perry told me yesterday that he pitied those people who never knew their fathers or those whose fathers passed away because when they saw us looking at father's day gifts they would be sad, there was no joke or malice inside, it was said purely from the heart and I nodded to comment with a poker face, after all it is true and when I saw how my parents have aged since I was much younger I seem to finally realise they are going to be gone one day and I have to take every chance with them now and make it my biggest.

Wednesday was a pretty good though :D! I went to submit an application for the Ngee Ann Kongsi Scholarship :)! Hope they don't treat the Merit Award as a Scholarship!!!!!!!!!!! Then decided to make Dino a card cause she said she felt very sick :((( It was shitty cause I did it in the car HAHA but yea it's the thought that counts no? :P Then i RUSHED over to her place and caught her just as she was leaving the house! HAHA LUCKY ME :)! Then awkward as hell MRT ride with her bro and her dad, felt scared that her dad would stare at me in the train haha!!!! Went to pool with Marcus and while waiting for FOREVER LATE GUY! Met Andre HAHA! Then talked to him for quite a bit before Marc finally came and then we went to pool. Missed the feeling, I love how pool is skill and luck at the same time! Especially for us beginners and I just enjoy playing it with friends and having a laugh with a random "TYCO SIA!". Then went to Marc's house to slack and do hand AND headstands ;)! Was fun okay haha!

Tuesday was a blast! Went to Dino's house to "Study" but ended up doing everything but it! I went there and she was sick! D: Dammit I HATE it when people are sick and I can't do crap to help them :(! Well i went there and then Belson's gf came too! Haha they are pretty cute together too :P Made pancakes with Dino and the two of them! The batter was salty though :( But the pancakes still came out awesome but I couldn't finish it HAHA and then had to leave some and Sherry scolded me Dx! But it's kay haha she knew i didn't do it on purpose :3! Got to try her cake she made with her God sis! :DDDD was aweshum :P and easy to make too maybe I will try to make it one day! Then I chose to play one LoL game with her bro cause I promised him and she was talking to Bro West anyway! Then when she came back in her room and lay there, she asked me to move over so she could disturb me. I said no but felt bad after that but I didn't want her brother to think I wasn't putting my all in the game because that upsets a lot of people! In the end we still lost the game but it was okay :D! Belson and his gf went off somewhere to... do stuff! :x Then I talked to Sherry about anything under the sun :3. But then she stroked my hair and realised it was rough, that was when she decided to do my hair! Felt good though! Now i get why she said that getting your hair combed feels good! I really felt awesome when she combed my hair :)! It was comfortable as well! And then she conditioned my hair, felt dam soft after that and even now it feels better(Yes i did just touch it HAHA). Then took a couple of photos and talked to her somemore! Then I helped her pack her Vietbodia Bag and YES NEXT TIME I GO OVER SHE HAS TO TRY ON SOME STUFF FOR ME TO SEE HAHAHA! SHE WILL LOOK ADORABLE IN THEM SERIOUSLY ><! So i chose like only one blouse and she chose the rest herself and looked for things to match it with! I know many of you are screaming FRIENDZONED! But yea at least we are enjoying ourselves so idgaf what you think. Then went to eat chicken rice and realised after i finished that it was FREAKING 10 HOLY SHET! Got back and Gamed a little but enjoyed the day a lot cause of the fun time we spent together :3!

Monday was spent playing mahjong with the iPunk gang, although i really used to enjoy my time with the group, now... I just don't know, we don't seem as close although we really really try to be. We all made too many new friends and going out way too little and this is the result, even close friends spread apart. I lost money at mahjong but thats not the point, I had fun playing with them, and then we went to Nex to enjoy food after the marathon of mahjong! Went back and Dota-ed then Slept nothing much to have been done or do. I just wish we had more personal time together, like talking HTHT that kind of thing... just won't happen cause we're all guys and that i really feel is just a damn shame, whenever i speak to Dino or Ryl it just feels different, it's like I can share my emotions freely. Anyway rmb missing Ryan like hell on monday, not much time to find him after he went to that school... Miss our talks he really is the pinnacle of friendship, wish we could catch up! But he's forever busy and I don't blame him, that kind of JC life takes a toll on you!

Sunday was just spent practicing shock and enjoying LoL games with danny and perry. Honestly these two people make games FUN! Forget what i said just now if you play with these guys you ARE goanna have a fun time, when we skype i spend 50% of the time laughing with danny cause of perry and also laughing at danny with perry, they really are super FUCKING hilarious i mean it. They make LoL so damn enjoyable DAMMIT DANNY COME BACK FROM MALAYSIA FASTER I WANT TO LoL WITH YOU ONE!

And take brings us back, one whole week whew I'm actually surprised I remembered what I did, holy crap my memory is getting better HAHA! Shockingly enough :P Okay uber tired now time to end off with my usual quote.  

Two quotes today. First just to repeat what i said at the beginning of my blog post.

" If I want someone, they don't want me. If someone wants me, I don't want them. If we both want each other, they live in narnia or something. " - Condescending Wonka

and Second 

" The prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets. The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears. And the kindest hearts have felt the most pain. " - Condescending Wonka

Peace out people! ^.^