"So what if you can see, the darkest side of me? No one can EVER change this animal I have become."
I know it's a little weird that I'm beginning with quotes, but theres just so much on my mind and the two damn songs I have been playing is Animal and Animal I have Become...
The first quote is because I'm so sick of that person irritating the FUCK out of me when she has problems and then when she has nothing? WHEEE FUCK HIM MAN I DON'T NEED HIM. Seriously I'm getting so tired of it, I even deleted her number and messages I deserve better than that seriously, a friend that doesn't help you but expects everything from you is NO friend of mine. What's better was that she thought I actually LIKED her PFFFT honestly just because a guy listens to your problems and decides to help you DOES NOT mean he likes you... Maybe the thought never crossed her mind, that I'm a nice guy who chose to help her, I'm not her problem solver and just because I helped her once, twice and so on and so forth until even I forgot how many times I did it already. Even at this moment she's spamming me, why can't she understand that I don't want to help someone like her anymore I mean she doesn't even treat me as a friend when she doesn't need help. OKAY GAH SCREW IT Forget her Ima throw her out of my head.
I'm sick of the control honestly, my friends most of my old ones at least, think I'm still the old me, I tell them I've changed, I'm not the same me that was before, I don't have the childish dreams that relationships are perfect anymore, they all talk about how they want another girlfriend and how perfect the next one will be. I just don't believe in it so much anymore, honestly I got her off my mind already but I don't see how I will trust someone enough or get into a relationship again. It took a lot for me to ask Brother North at first too.. She just doesn't know it at all. I see my friend's all still have the bright outlook on relationships and that they are "shy" and don't want to ask, what do i do? I just smile at them and say good luck. They all give me the look, "Bro you can score chicks also LA! You so sweet talker sure can what." I just give another awkward smile, and say some other time. This animal I have become? Double meanings for me now... They both were bothering me at the start of this year, Dino taught me in a very harsh way that I had to get rid of one, but now the other one is still floating around refusing to be squashed... When I look back I still think I was a foolish person to believe and trust her so much but the harsh reality is that IT HAPPENED, and it CAN happen again, I'm trying for it not to weigh me down but I'm just really afraid I may never find Mrs Right... Ever. I may just be one of the nice old guys who are single and everyone wonders why he is...
My emoness aside, these couple of days have been pretty uneventful... I will try to sum most of it up for you guys for your viewing pleasure :) so PLEASE be patient x.x I always blog wayyyyyy too early in the morning and I'm exhausted and yet still need to act high so please bear with me :3.
Today has been bleh honestly, my parents went to Malaysia for a bit, my sis and I stayed home, I played LoL, bought lunch, played more LoL, talked to dino, more LoL, Church, Bought Dinner,even more LoL. I used to enjoy these kind of days back in secondary school now I'm just downright SICK of it honestly I HATE IT. I could be out with people socialising, learning more about them, having SO MUCH MORE FUN than gaming at home. They say gaming is an addiction but you never get sick of what your addicted to... I AM SICK OF GAMING. If it wasn't for the pals I wouldn't be doing it and even so if I had to choose between going out with those same pals and gaming hands DOWN I would pick going out no matter what the place and what we do. So days like today NAH UH do not enjoy.
Yesterday was almost as bad as today, did exactly the same things but THANK GODDDDD I chose to GO OUT WITH PERRY! Got a new friend yesterday, like me he is so matured in thinking but due to other reasons, we feel each other cause we are really damn similar in more ways than one, our route to maturity may well have been different but we still share the same feelings, was DAMN tempted to smoke one stick with him but then I resisted.(HE FREAKING SMOKE THE SAME THING AS MY FRIEND BLOODY HELL) And we chatted a little about how we actually were. I know him from Danny who knew him from Matt who knew him from drinking HAHA that's how the world rolls and Danny's friends are all interesting honestly. Ate KFC with him, he is super funny it's like you combined BOTH Marcuses and Beldric together HAHA! He really was a handful but we had a lot to talk about and laughed about how Danny was when he gamed ;3! Got back early , cut my Mum's birthday cake early cause of my Vietbodia and my parent's yearly dating sessions ;3! SO ADORABLE OKAY MY PARENTS HAHA <3 YOU MUMMY AND DADDY ;D! Just upset with what my sister said cause I think it's true... But it's okay I got over it! :D
The day before I went to school to discuss stuff IBE stuff with the group mates, met Dino before hand after she met Bro West after his trip, I'm happy he came back safe and none of those spirits followed him back :)! Talked to Dino for awhile although we supposed to be studying! Ate lunch and camwhored HAHA! Then she studied Bstats while I finished my BMGT, like finally it's pretty short but yea whatever AT LEAST IT IS D-O-N-E. Then i sent Dino to Bishan and then i left... Or at least i was SUPPOSED to leave haha, in the end I ate dinner with her and Aunty Pearl who really is a nice person :D! When Sherry went to the washroom i had a polite chat with her about travelling in Singapore, she was surprised I knew the Bus transport pretty well! But yea when you spend 10 years of your life travelling, bus routes become your best friend :D! Went back and slacked pretty much. Played Tap Tap with Dino on the bus and I got ADDICTED to it so I was playing it so many times in the car! Haha.
Okay before I continue retracing my steps the previous days, I just felt like saying something. There are things that people do with their parents to show their affection to them, for me, it's holding my mum's hand and squeezing it slighty as we walk. As we all grow up most of us find that holding our parent's hand is embarrassing and stop it all together eventually, not for me. I don't think I will ever get "too old" to hand her hand with her tender grasp, firm yet gentle and she enjoys it too. I just felt like putting it out because I feel that people should really learn how to show your parents affection cause when their gone, you will regret it. Perry told me yesterday that he pitied those people who never knew their fathers or those whose fathers passed away because when they saw us looking at father's day gifts they would be sad, there was no joke or malice inside, it was said purely from the heart and I nodded to comment with a poker face, after all it is true and when I saw how my parents have aged since I was much younger I seem to finally realise they are going to be gone one day and I have to take every chance with them now and make it my biggest.
Wednesday was a pretty good though :D! I went to submit an application for the Ngee Ann Kongsi Scholarship :)! Hope they don't treat the Merit Award as a Scholarship!!!!!!!!!!! Then decided to make Dino a card cause she said she felt very sick :((( It was shitty cause I did it in the car HAHA but yea it's the thought that counts no? :P Then i RUSHED over to her place and caught her just as she was leaving the house! HAHA LUCKY ME :)! Then awkward as hell MRT ride with her bro and her dad, felt scared that her dad would stare at me in the train haha!!!! Went to pool with Marcus and while waiting for FOREVER LATE GUY! Met Andre HAHA! Then talked to him for quite a bit before Marc finally came and then we went to pool. Missed the feeling, I love how pool is skill and luck at the same time! Especially for us beginners and I just enjoy playing it with friends and having a laugh with a random "TYCO SIA!". Then went to Marc's house to slack and do hand AND headstands ;)! Was fun okay haha!
Tuesday was a blast! Went to Dino's house to "Study" but ended up doing everything but it! I went there and she was sick! D: Dammit I HATE it when people are sick and I can't do crap to help them :(! Well i went there and then Belson's gf came too! Haha they are pretty cute together too :P Made pancakes with Dino and the two of them! The batter was salty though :( But the pancakes still came out awesome but I couldn't finish it HAHA and then had to leave some and Sherry scolded me Dx! But it's kay haha she knew i didn't do it on purpose :3! Got to try her cake she made with her God sis! :DDDD was aweshum :P and easy to make too maybe I will try to make it one day! Then I chose to play one LoL game with her bro cause I promised him and she was talking to Bro West anyway! Then when she came back in her room and lay there, she asked me to move over so she could disturb me. I said no but felt bad after that but I didn't want her brother to think I wasn't putting my all in the game because that upsets a lot of people! In the end we still lost the game but it was okay :D! Belson and his gf went off somewhere to... do stuff! :x Then I talked to Sherry about anything under the sun :3. But then she stroked my hair and realised it was rough, that was when she decided to do my hair! Felt good though! Now i get why she said that getting your hair combed feels good! I really felt awesome when she combed my hair :)! It was comfortable as well! And then she conditioned my hair, felt dam soft after that and even now it feels better(Yes i did just touch it HAHA). Then took a couple of photos and talked to her somemore! Then I helped her pack her Vietbodia Bag and YES NEXT TIME I GO OVER SHE HAS TO TRY ON SOME STUFF FOR ME TO SEE HAHAHA! SHE WILL LOOK ADORABLE IN THEM SERIOUSLY ><! So i chose like only one blouse and she chose the rest herself and looked for things to match it with! I know many of you are screaming FRIENDZONED! But yea at least we are enjoying ourselves so idgaf what you think. Then went to eat chicken rice and realised after i finished that it was FREAKING 10 HOLY SHET! Got back and Gamed a little but enjoyed the day a lot cause of the fun time we spent together :3!
Monday was spent playing mahjong with the iPunk gang, although i really used to enjoy my time with the group, now... I just don't know, we don't seem as close although we really really try to be. We all made too many new friends and going out way too little and this is the result, even close friends spread apart. I lost money at mahjong but thats not the point, I had fun playing with them, and then we went to Nex to enjoy food after the marathon of mahjong! Went back and Dota-ed then Slept nothing much to have been done or do. I just wish we had more personal time together, like talking HTHT that kind of thing... just won't happen cause we're all guys and that i really feel is just a damn shame, whenever i speak to Dino or Ryl it just feels different, it's like I can share my emotions freely. Anyway rmb missing Ryan like hell on monday, not much time to find him after he went to that school... Miss our talks he really is the pinnacle of friendship, wish we could catch up! But he's forever busy and I don't blame him, that kind of JC life takes a toll on you!
Sunday was just spent practicing shock and enjoying LoL games with danny and perry. Honestly these two people make games FUN! Forget what i said just now if you play with these guys you ARE goanna have a fun time, when we skype i spend 50% of the time laughing with danny cause of perry and also laughing at danny with perry, they really are super FUCKING hilarious i mean it. They make LoL so damn enjoyable DAMMIT DANNY COME BACK FROM MALAYSIA FASTER I WANT TO LoL WITH YOU ONE!
And take brings us back, one whole week whew I'm actually surprised I remembered what I did, holy crap my memory is getting better HAHA! Shockingly enough :P Okay uber tired now time to end off with my usual quote.
Two quotes today. First just to repeat what i said at the beginning of my blog post.
" If I want someone, they don't want me. If someone wants me, I don't want them. If we both want each other, they live in narnia or something. " - Condescending Wonka
and Second
" The prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets. The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears. And the kindest hearts have felt the most pain. " - Condescending Wonka
Peace out people! ^.^
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